From Dust to Dust

What happens when you discover that your entire life has been spent living in the middle of things that are harmful to you and you never knew it before?  What happens when you learn just what kind of damage is being done by mere exposure to things you can't even see?  How do you fight against that?  How can you take that next step when you know that certain elements can affect you by their mere unavoidable presence in your life?

This morning Nyssa had her allergy appointment.  She had to have the back scratch test, and she was afraid because she knew it was going to hurt.  I did not want her to hurt, but I also knew that if she didn't get the test, she could continue the downward spiral her breathing has taken.  In order for her to get better, she had to go through this painful process.  As the test went, she did a wonderful job in the middle of the pain, itching, and burning, and lay amazingly still - for her.

What surprised me was the fact that she showed no extraordinary allergy to any of the pollens.  In fact, most of those didn't even show any redness at all.  Her seasonal episodes seem to be completely unrelated to the various indigenous vegetation.  There were, however, a couple things that stood out.  It turns out, the test was not for aught.

Nyssa showed four distinct allergies, all surprising to me.  She is allergic to dogs.  The allergist called it borderline.  She can have a dog outside as a pet, but not inside.  Next on the list, somewhat higher, is cockroaches.  Seriously?  Do they even test for that?  Evidently so, but I guess that Nyssa doesn't need to specialize in cockroach research when she grows up.  That's a load off!  There are two more allergens, both alarming in two different ways.

Alas, to Nyssa's dismay, she is allergic to cats.  Highly allergic.  She can't have one as a pet, neither inside nor outside.  The bummer to this situation is that all she has talked about for the last year and a half is that she wants to have a cat.  Yes, it brought some heartbreaking tears and a pensive state to my daughter that has remained since we left the doctor's office.

The finale, the biggest of all, the allergy that is not stated as "highly allergic," as that was the cat.  Rather, it is the one that caused whelps 8 times the size of the cat allergy.  I never would have guessed.  My daughter's main source of difficulty is dust.  So allergic is she to this unseen little microbe that we have two sheets, front and back, on what we need to do in her room alone to help keep her RAD in check.  Some of these things are common sense, a little extra vacuuming and damp dusting, but some are things we had never thought of doing before. 

Covering her air vents, taking all stuffed animals out of her room, NO steam cleaning, storing only her clothes in her closet, moving out her toys into another room:  these are only a few of the changes we need to make.  There are a host of items to buy or things to do on a biweekly basis in order to keep her healthy.  Just looking at the list made me wonder how in the world she hasn't ended up in the ER more often than she already has.

Nyssa's pediatrician and the allergist both told me we are doing a good job at heading off the attack once it hits.  We are catching all the signs and doing all the preventative and cut off maneuvers we should have known to do.  But this knowledge gives us even a greater advantage.  Now we know the cause for her troubles and we can do more to stop the problem.

It is hard when you face an invisible foe.  It is harder when you don't know the foe is there.  When you know that you have an enemy, and he has a name, you have the advantage over those that have no clue a battle is going on and you are the prize.  You are the city that is to be captured or protected.  When you are aware of this adversary, you can do certain things to increase your defense and make it harder to penetrate. 

You can build a wall to act as a shield against the enemy's attack, much like the pillow encasings we will have to get for Nyssa.  You can make sure you are acting properly, keeping yourself from temptations in the same way I will be damp dusting her walls, windowsills, and her bureau.  You can remove yourself from situations and people that you know will cause you to do what is wrong, just like I have to take all the things out of her room and closet except for her clothes, books, and a small bin of "must stay" toys. 

Though you may not be able to see what you are up against, you know what it represents: bad judgment, treating others wrongly, walking away eventually from all that is right and good.  And if you protect yourself by being proactive in keeping your area clean, you can win a whole lot more battles.  It will be tougher for the enemy to get to you because you have been diligent in that which is right.

Oops!

Sometimes I just feel like bucking the system.  I want to play by my rules and my rules alone, and woe to those that would stand in my way!  I don't want to play nice.  I have had enough and God help whoever crosses me because I'm not going to take it anymore.  Consequences?  Who wants to worry about the consequences?  I don't want to think about those right now.  I'm too busy getting even!

Nathaniel has had a rough time at school lately.  Though his receptive language is improving, his ability to handle stress and to communicate his frustration in a calm manner is not. He says he doesn't like school anymore, his friends are not being nice, and he doesn't want to cooperate with his teachers.  When he gets frustrated, he just explodes like a cannon.  And, recently, he's been getting frustrated quite a bit in class.

He's been coming home with these "oops!" slips at least twice a week since the Christmas break.  Now, what does that mean?  It's a nice way for his teacher to let me know that Nathaniel isn't following the rules and is becoming more disruptive in class.  He has been letting his temper get the best of him and he's been reacting instead of responding to tough situations.  He's been hitting, spitting, tearing up art projects, writing on other boys' work, and just plain getting even.  The pinnacle of his actions came on Friday.

I was at home, straightening things up after the younger two had lunch.  I had laid Gabriela down for her nap around 11:30 and was very pleased with the headway I was making in the rooms downstairs.  I was in a rhythm, moving quickly, decisively, when the phone rang.  I thought about ignoring it since I was being quite industrious for a change and was taking advantage of that nap when I saw the caller ID.  FULTON COUNTY EDUCA...was written boldy on the phone face and I thought, "Oh no, someone's sick again."

Much to my relief, Nathaniel was quite healthy.  That, however, quickly changed to chagrin.  He had also been in the assistant principal's office three times that day.  Now mind you, this is a little 5 year old boy in kindergarten.  It's not even 12:15.  Who at that age, or any age, has the talent to manage to get himself into that much trouble that many times in one single day?  Not that I ever really wanted to know the answer to that question, but it was my son.

During gym, someone accidentally hit him with the ball.  His reaction?  He yelled, had a temper tantrum, hit the wall and the floor, and then attempted to run away from school.  Refusing any consolation, he was taken to the office to help him calm down, which he did after a little while.  He was sent on to class.  Again, something happened and he threw a chair and completely lost his temper and kicked another child.  Take two to the office.  Finally, during recess, some as-of-that-time unknown incident occurred and he hauled off and hit a classmate in the face.  It was the last straw.  It was the third strike, and he was ejected from the ballgame.

I had to wake up the baby from her nap, gather the two young ones, and drive to the school to pick up Nathaniel.  By time I got there, he was happy as a lark, with no evidence that anything was wrong.  I had a quick chat with the assistant principal since we had already discussed the day on the phone, then headed for home.  On the way, Nathaniel informed me that he had had an "awful day," and declared that he no longer wanted to go to school.

It turns out that his classmate had kicked him a couple times and nobody had seen his actions.  Nathaniel had already had a tough day and he had had enough.  No more; he wasn't going to take it.  He was done and was going to settle the situation his own way.

Though I can't fault him for being frustrated and for wanting to put an end to his suffering, the way he went about it was all wrong.  It's my job to teach him how to handle his actions in the middle of oppression.  Yes, I have a meeting scheduled with his teacher, but as has already been proven, she is not always going to be there to see the hurt he is caused and be able to stop it.  In like manner, I am not always going to be able to help him calm down.  It is a self control he has to learn.

We all have to stop and take stock when we are faced with injustices, hurts, and oppression.  We have to be able to control our emotions and not let them control us.  We have to learn the best way to face a situation and how to cope with it.  If we just react, we can end up harming ourselves as well as others, and we can end up facing the consequences of our actions.

When I find myself getting frustrated with the kids or with the house, I have to stop and look at all the facets in play.  I can't just look at it from my selfish point of view, but from all the other angles as well.  Then I can realize that perhaps my children are making messes faster than I can clean up after them because they simply want me to sit down with them for 5 minutes and read a book to them.  Then I can remember that Nyssa isn't intentionally disobeying me, she really can't remember that I told her to put her shoes away because she was distracted by Gabriela's new word "gok," and gave her bottle to her.

I have children with special needs and so it is even more important that I learn how to be a good role model, that I learn how to listen to their heart because they may not know how to communicate it with words.  I can't afford to get so frustrated by life that I am blind or deaf to my little ones' needs.  But even if my children were normal, everyday children, I still would have to know that I can't just stomp and rant and rave when life doesn't treat me fair.  Yes, I still have trouble with the last two at times, but when I do, I have to be careful.  Little ones are paying close attention.  Others are paying attention.  And when I find myself reacting to life instead of responding in an appropriate manner, that's when I suffer the consequences, every time.  And let's face it:  life is too short to spend it sitting in the principal's office.  There are much better things I can be doing with my time.  

Ooh!  I could write a blog.  I could turn the frustration and the challenges of daily life into something full of hope and gentle reminders that I need to see life as the glass that is half full.  I could see what life lessons can be learned from this little palace in which I live.

Compadres

It's not always easy to win a war on your own.  Depending on the size of your opponent, you may be able to defeat them in one swipe or you may be in the foxholes before you can count to three unless you get some serious backup.  It always helps to have someone there, just in case you need them, when you need them, to help you overcome your opponent.

Last August, we had Nyssa tested for some concerns we had.  Now, almost six months later, we finally received the psychologist's official written report on our daughter.  We needed the official documentation because otherwise it was just here say and not applicable to any agency to receive additional help for her.  It said about what we expected, Autism spectrum, uberbright, and ADD-Inatentive ~ but now it is official and she can finally get the help she needs to overcome some of her shortcomings.  It's been an uphill battle, one we may not have won had it not been for the aid of the head of the Student Support Team at Nyssa's school. 

I met with them last Friday, about two weeks ago now.  As has been for the last few times we've been in contact with one another, the SST leader asked us to please send in the psychological evaluation.  Once again, I had to tell them we had not yet received the report.  When they learned all I had done to this point to try to get the report, they decided to step in and contact the psychologist as well.  We double teamed and finally got what we needed.  It's amazing what a simple phone call from a school psychologist mentioning "legal action and a lack of professionalism" can do.  I hate that such threats had to be made, but we had already used up all other options.

Something that was not mentioned to me six months ago was another set of difficulties Nyssa has, which the school's SST team had suspected but, without the formal diagnosis, was left with their hands tied behind their backs.  Now, we can finally begin to face the opponent head on, together, with the weapons we need to help Nyssa address her shortcomings.  Now she finally has a fighting chance. 

Not that it's going to be easy.  Oftentimes, when we face our giants, we may already have some idea of what we are fighting.  But we still have to face these issues that loom larger than life over our heads.  We see them, and sometimes we are intimidated and overwhelmed by them.  The trick is not in just seeing how big they are, but in recognizing who is on our side.

We were never meant to face life on our own.  We can prepare as much as possible, but circumstances will always come at us, attacking us from the middle of nowhere.  But we need to take heart and remember the prize.  What is waiting for us?  Is it a child who overcomes developmental difficulties?  An illness that threatens to take us from those we love?  Is it a marriage that seems it has lost its way?  Is it frustration with a job or an employer who seems impossible to work for?  Whatever the situation, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, waiting for us, if we will only not lose heart and look for it.

Yes, we may lose some battles along the way, we may even lose our way for a time.  But as long as we remember to look to the Light, then the war has already been won.  We are just learning and developing character along the way.  I still have to remind myself daily that, yes, though the end is important, so is the journey itself and the roads I chose to travel and how I choose to travel them.  Right now, it's by placing one foot in front of the other and making sure I stay in the company of fellow soldiers who will hold me up when I feel to weary to stand on my own,who will defend me and who will help me fight.  Because honestly, that is the only way any of us will survive this experience we call life on earth as we know it.

All Part of Growing Up

Gabriela has reached the wonderful age in which not only am I her entire world, but that she misses me when I'm not around.  She doesn't like me to leave her, for whatever reason, for any amount of time.  She has once again entered the "separation anxiety" phase.

If I walk into another room, she toddles in behind, usually chattering away.  If I go upstairs, she fusses at me for a moment and then begins to follow me up.  If I go into the bathroom and close the door, she stands in the hallway and whines until I come back to her.  Leaving her with a sitter results in demonstrative wails at the top of her lungs, hands extended toward me, hoping I will swoosh her back into my arms and stay with her.

Once she realizes I'm gone, Gabriela is just fine.  She plays contentedly and has a blast.  I've done what all mothers secretly do; I've watched her from afar without her seeing me.  So I know she's not truly damaged by my leaving.  She knows deep inside that I would never intentionally put her in a place of danger and that I would leave her with ones I trust to care for her. 

She also recognizes the difference between me leaving her safely and her leaving me.  At this stage in her life, it's not safe for her to go far on her ow accord, as she's not old enough to be able to make good judgments.  But one day, hard as it may be to imagine, she will go off in a life of her own, outside of my guardianship.  I hope that when she does, she will take all I have attempted to teach her, and make wise decisions. 

It's a normal part of growing up.  We learn where a security lies and we decide that is where we need to stay.  We don't want that source of security to leave us. But learning how to deal with life outside of those comforts is also a natural part of maturing.  The peace comes when we realize that our relationship with those sources of security is solid enough that a mutual trust has been built up and we can always rely on the one who has held us and cared for us through all of life's matters.

Only when the baby bird leaves the nest can she learn how to soar on eagles' wings.