Welcome to My World

Regardless of where we are, life comes at us. If we want to cherish the moments, they tend to pass us by faster than we can savor them. If we would rather skip a day, it seems to linger endlessly. But life is what it is, and we have to make the most of what we have and focus on the good aspects, large or small, to truly relish our life.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Someone Who Loves You

I've always been an active person, so when my get up and go just got up and went, I f ound myself in a very precarious position.  I mean, I have a family to take care of, mouths to feed, laundry to do, all sorts of daily tasks tht sudenly became increasingly difficult to do.  So I was very put off.  I thought, "Ok, so you needed a rest, everyone knows that, but you can handle it for a couple months."

A couple of months turned into 3, then 4, and now 5.  So I'm trying to concentrate on the positive.  My son is so sweet that every evening before he goes to bed, he comes into my room and lays down with me for a few minutes.  That is truly one of the highlights of my day, to see my son so caring and gentle.  It means we are doing something right.

That doesn't mean to say that all I am able to do every day is just stay in bed.  I have some days in which I can move rather well; I just can't overdo it.  But I will confess there are days like yesterday in which I am in bed for all but 3 hours.  It does tend to put a damper on things.  But on those days, my children come into my room and just talk or play gently.  I have to laugh because sometimes my bed is just too tempting for the wee ones and they have to jump a bit before I have to calm them by giving them the choice to sit with me and play gently on the bed or get down before they get bouncy again.

My dearly beloved husband is also very sweet with me.  He knows the days that I just can't master the stairs and follows me up so that if I lose my balance he is there to catch me.  That is so wonderful to realize...to know that I have someone who will always be there to catch me if I start to fall.  He warns me if he thinks I am doing too much.  He sees it in my eyes, in my walk, or in my movements.  He knows me well enough to be able to read me often.

Sometimes he will gently say to slow down or to not pick up that item.  If I ignore ihm and do it anyway, he is loving and avoids the "I told you so" comment.  Instead, he just takes it away and leads me to a chair or lets me just stand there while he finishes what I started with good intentions, but was unable to complete.  He picks up my burden and walks with it.  Many days it makes me feel embarrased for not having listened to him in the first place.  But if I'm in a jovial enough mood, I will joke with him saying, "I know, you told me so."  But the most amazing thing happens every time I say that.  He just smiles at me and, with a sincere face, says, "I wasn't going to say anything, love."

Then, this morning, it hit me, like a neon sign or a brick wall.  We are all like me.  We all have things that we need to do, that we must do, that have to get done, but for some reason, are uncapable of doing them on our own.  We all need that special someone in our lives that can help us remember when we need help.  We all need someone who will take the burden from us, gently, not begrudgingly, but with selfless love, with nary a word of, "I told you so," but rather, "I love you and want the best for you.  I want to help you with that which you cannot do on your own."  We all need someone we can trust to stand by us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Even in the Garden of Eden, where everything was beautiful, perfect, without spot or blemish, Adam could not make it on his own.  He needed Eve to complete him.  But it's not just about him needing her, it's about them needing each other and the perfect one who created them.  Then that serpent had to go and ruin it all.  But even in their punishment, there was no "I told you so." There was only sadness with them through the trials and a voice that said, "One day..." Even then there was the hope and help offered.

Just now my son came in and offered me a blanket to keep me warm.  He covered me up in it and then we shared a breakfast bar together.  He told me I'd get better soon.  He's just a little boy, dismissed by many as the least of these, but full of so much gentleness, life and joy!  Faith, hope, and charity. but the greatest of these.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Counting My Blessings

I have found this new era in my life to be most thought provoking.  I have spent the last few months healing from an injury that could be very commonstance, yet when mingled with just the perfect brew of trouble can cause life altering circumstances.  I have alternated between being bored, sad, angry, frustrated to tears, disconcerted, depressed, and finally, just plain content.  That does not mean to say that I wish to live in my current state for the rest of my life; it simply means that I refuse to mope around mentally just wondering "why" and "when" and "how long" and all those other questions that can entrap a person into hopelessness.

There are some things I find I cannot do regularly anymore for now.  I cannot pick up my two year old daughter off the ground.  I cannot drive a vehicle.  I cannot turn my head quickly.  I cannot lift up a basket of laundry to carry it into the house.  I cannot let my children climb on my back to play horsie.

But there are things I can do.  I can listen to my daughter tell me about her day at school.  I can read with my children cuddled up with me in my bed.  I can watch my son grow ever more tender and caring, considerate of my needs.  I can watch my toddler dance and sing a new song of delight.  I can sit and enjoy these wonders called my children, because I do not have the ability to rise up and do all the housecleaning which is necessary and yet calls me away from my little prodigies.

I am also getting more help with my house.  I am gaining a husband who is ever caring (my son well gets it by watching his father) and more attentive to the little things.  I am watching my children develop better habits with cleaning their rooms and their toys.  I have someone who is able to come over and help me sort things and prioritize my needs.  I am learning how to downsize some of my wants to ensure I have all my necessities.

I am also learning new things and remembering the old.  I am learning once again how to take a nap when I have done too much.  I am learning to listen to my body when it says it has had enough instead of trying to push through one too many jobs.  I am learning how to steal little moments with my children.  I am learning how to take care of myself and let someone else worry about the children from time to time.

I am learning how to see things in a different light.  I am learning how to appreciate the little things in life that I used to take for granted.  I am rediscovering how to look into the sky and see a planet or the Big Dipper.  I am learning the smell of an Easter Lily.  I rejoice when I am able to hug one of my little one's neck without cringing in pain.  Perhaps that is the greatest blessing of all.

I am learning how to appreciate the moments without the pain because of the moments with the pain.  It is in realizing when I am given a precious gift because I have felt life without it that I am ever the more grateful for it.  I am exceedingly thankful for second chances, for I have been given a second, and a third, and more; only this time it is different.  This time I have truly seen the desolation without and the beauty within...and I will never forget.  This is the blessing I have received from the pain.