Late Night Musings

I sit at the computer desperate to go upstairs to bed but find myself compelled to stay here as my mind refuses to turn off.  Something continues to nag at my mind, and until I either satiate that void with what my mind wants or find a good substitute, my brain will continue in overdrive.  Often I find myself like this, at almost 2:00 in the morning with the inability to sleep for one reason or another, due the the restlessness of  the children.  Occasionally, however, in the wee hours of the night such as tonight, my body is so well trained to listen for a child to awaken at a certain time, that I am unable to fall asleep until that "moment in time" has passed.  Usually, it is by 2:15.

I have no wish to wander around aimlessly, because that would be a waste of time.  I can't clean very well in the middle of the night lest I actually wake up someone who was sleeping soundly.  I have tried my mind puzzles, and meditating on my favorite book, but I have still been unable to drift away into the sleeping bliss of the night.  So I decided to make myself useful by catching up on some blog work. 

It has been some time since I have sat regularly at the desk to type out my thoughts.  I have been so caught up lately on the house work that by time I sit down I am too tired to even consider the days' moments, let alone write about them.  Tonight was an exception to the last few weeks as the day's events continue to play over in my mind.

One problem remains, though.  It appears that about every other word I have to enter the backspace key to get the words to flow from my head through my hands onto the screen in front of me.  'Tis only too true that I have probably spent a third of the last few minutes hitting that very key.  It goes to show that sometimes I can have the best intentions with no clear cut way of being able to deliver on the goods.

How often do I set about to do a task that is good for all intents and purposes, but may not be the best idea at the moment?  I know I ended yesterday's blog with the beginning of a well known phrase, "to every thing there is a time and a season for every purpose under the heavens," and that particular saying has remained with me since.  Life is full of all these complexities that may at times seem ironic, but it is also filled with great rewards if we just wait for the right time. 

The key is in knowing what time it is right now.  I can't always trust my self to tell me what time it is because my self can be deceptive.  I heard it said that the heart is deceitful above all things.  And if I go merely by what I feel and don't back it up with what I know is real, I can get myself into some big messes.  I may go into a situation ill prepared and get caught trying to erase those mistakes I have made.

It would be nice if life did have a backspace button so I could just delete the mistakes I have made.  Sometimes, that works through the grace of someone else's forgiveness toward me.  It would be nice if I had a spell check or a grammar check that would help keep me in check in situations where I would be tempted to rush through a decision process without thought or without being prepared beforehand.

The best I can do is dwell on the right kind of thoughts and have the right kind of mind set beforehand so I can be as prepared as possible for any unexpected events that may come my way.  Sometimes that means just sitting and pondering my way before answering off the cuff, and sometimes it just means that I stop worrying about what might happen.  Sometimes it means just letting go of the thoughts of what might be, how I might get interrupted just as I unwind, and just deciding to rest so I can go to that meeting the next morning, refreshed, and ready to face what may come.

I think that's what I'll do right now.  I'll stop worrying about who will wake up and just enjoy the peace and the quiet.  I'll take this opportunity to go get the sleep I need so that I can wake up on the right side of the bed in the morning and be ready for the challenges it will hold.  I'll just dwell on the sleep of the here and now and let tomorrow take care of itself.