I love the movie Babe, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I watch it with my children at least once every couple of months. If you have never seen it, it is worth watching at least once. Spoiler alert: don't read the rest of this paragraph or the last sentence of the next to the last paragraph of this post if you don't want to know the ending. The movie is about a piglet who is won by a farmer at a country fair. He grows up on that farm with a set of sheepdogs and is taken in by their mother who he lovingly calls Mom. Eventually, he grows up to be just like her. It's amazing what the young can pick up when surrounded by a certain kind of stimulus in their environment.
We received some wonderful news this week. We had been awaiting the results of Benjamin's test results from the Marcus Institute. He had exhibited the same language and behavior as Nyssa and Nathaniel, along with some obsessive compulsive quirks of his own, so we had him go through the Autism Spectrum testing. We had noticed significant strides since he had started Pre-Kindergarten and were very pleased with his progress.
During the testing I noticed similar behaviors in him that I saw in the others. In fact, I already knew what to look for during the tests, especially during the interactive phases where they had me sit in the room with him. Of course, he didn't know about the window glass when I wasn't in the same room as he. Then again, he's a smart little boy; he just may have. At any rate, I observed as the examiner brought up subjects which were chances for him to interact in which he completely ignored her comments. I observed the lack of interest in toys. I observed the inappropriate playing with toys. I observed the copycat manner in which he used her same example to play with the items given to him to make up a story.
Both the examiner and I had to control our faces when she subtly moved his centipede out of the line and he looked at her and put it back. Again, we had to keep straight faces when she tilted his horse on its side and he looked and picked it up, setting it on the opposite end of the line. Finally, we almost lost it at his reaction when she turned the jelly fish up on end. He stopped playing, moved the jellyfish, and clearly put his elbow and forearm between the toys and her hand. There was no way to interpret that except the non-verbal "You leave my toys alone."
With all this information, I left that day, three weeks ago, almost certain of the outcome we would receive this Monday. Since I had hurt my back, my husband went with me to hear the expected news. We sat down with the psychologist who told us that Benjamin was a delightful little boy and a lot of fun. She said he had some real strengths and some weaknesses. She said she'd get right to the point and then take us step by step through the process.
She said based on Benjamin's performance, he showed absolutely no signs of Autism Spectrum. We were floored...pleasantly, I might add, but completely caught off guard. The doctor said she could understand why we thought he may be on the spectrum, given both his behavior and his siblings' history, but Benjamin himself tested off the spectrum in every way.
Benjamin had learned every bit of these behaviors from Nyssa and Nathaniel, who are ASD. They are all he knew on a regular, daily basis. He saw how they interacted and so he took that behavior and mimicked it. The teachers at school have said that he has the typical meltdowns of a child his age, and a couple atypical troubles, but that when shown that the other children his age didn't act that way, he quickly coped and changed.
Now, he definitely has a lot of trouble when it comes to disorder, uncleanliness, and coloring out of the lines, but they are a totally different category. He likes it clean, in his order, without dirt or bugs; he likes the picture to look exactly the same as the example, same colors in the lines and all that jazz. That is obsessive compulsive, and hopefully will be able to adjust and cope with these rigid aspects. It is, however, not Autism Spectrum. This means I have to change the back of my book, My Own Little Palace, but it is something I am very happy to do. He would not let me get away with it anyway with that perfectionistic streak.
It is so amazing how the doctors can so brilliantly make these tests that can not only reveal the marked behaviors, which were evident in Benjamin even to the examiners, but also reveal whether they are natural or simply copied, where the child can step out of the behavior if pulled in a specific direction. Because Benjamin is so close in age to the other two, he picked up their behaviors quickly and adjusted his own to fit theirs. He learned their quirks as the "normal" thing to do. He learned that, even though not socially correct, these characteristics were in a way, because his siblings have been the majority of his social network. Now that he is in school, he is seeing that the majority of children do act differently. He has actually mentioned it a few times recently. He is also adjusting his own behavior to match those of his peers, copying what he sees is the acceptable behavior in non-ASD children.
Gabriela has shown all along a difference between herself and the others. She is also 3 years younger than Benjamin. She does not have their behavior demonstrated to her all day every day. She shows by leaps and bounds the difference between a typical toddler and an ASD child. She is more engaging, more interested in others, joins their world and brings them into her own. She waits to see my response and reacts to my expressions.
Benjamin followed the example of his brother and sister, and may in some ways have missed out in some things. But I think he also learned some valuable tools to use as he grows older in how to deal with ASD kids in ways that "normal" children without these special siblings may never have, as Gabriela will develop as well. He learned how to adapt. That is a great strength, especially with someone that's obsessive compulsive! It is perhaps that ability to adapt to his siblings that just may help him cope with his own quirks and come to overcome their difficulties.
He's very bright. We learned through the testing all about his strengths, too. This is valuable information to have for his teachers as well. If he wants, he will be able to be a super engineer some day. For now, though, he is content with his greatest desire in life. When he grows up, he wants to be a fireman. If he puts his mind to it, I have no doubt that he can do it. After all, that pig made a great sheepdog by picking up the great example he had before him.
Of course, having a son who is excellent at mimicry, I'll need to be extra careful. He's watching me. He's watching his father. He comments that he wants to be just like Daddy when he grows up and recently announced that he wants to marry me some day. What kind of woman do I want him to marry? I need to take a long, hard look at myself. I need to make sure that what I exemplify is worthy of the kind of woman I want him to choose one day. I am blessed, though. Richard doesn't have to change a thing about his character. If his little physical clone grows up to be his character clone, my little Benjamin will grow up to be just fine. He already paces in the chess knight fashion just like his Daddy.
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