Counting My Blessings

I have found this new era in my life to be most thought provoking.  I have spent the last few months healing from an injury that could be very commonstance, yet when mingled with just the perfect brew of trouble can cause life altering circumstances.  I have alternated between being bored, sad, angry, frustrated to tears, disconcerted, depressed, and finally, just plain content.  That does not mean to say that I wish to live in my current state for the rest of my life; it simply means that I refuse to mope around mentally just wondering "why" and "when" and "how long" and all those other questions that can entrap a person into hopelessness.

There are some things I find I cannot do regularly anymore for now.  I cannot pick up my two year old daughter off the ground.  I cannot drive a vehicle.  I cannot turn my head quickly.  I cannot lift up a basket of laundry to carry it into the house.  I cannot let my children climb on my back to play horsie.

But there are things I can do.  I can listen to my daughter tell me about her day at school.  I can read with my children cuddled up with me in my bed.  I can watch my son grow ever more tender and caring, considerate of my needs.  I can watch my toddler dance and sing a new song of delight.  I can sit and enjoy these wonders called my children, because I do not have the ability to rise up and do all the housecleaning which is necessary and yet calls me away from my little prodigies.

I am also getting more help with my house.  I am gaining a husband who is ever caring (my son well gets it by watching his father) and more attentive to the little things.  I am watching my children develop better habits with cleaning their rooms and their toys.  I have someone who is able to come over and help me sort things and prioritize my needs.  I am learning how to downsize some of my wants to ensure I have all my necessities.

I am also learning new things and remembering the old.  I am learning once again how to take a nap when I have done too much.  I am learning to listen to my body when it says it has had enough instead of trying to push through one too many jobs.  I am learning how to steal little moments with my children.  I am learning how to take care of myself and let someone else worry about the children from time to time.

I am learning how to see things in a different light.  I am learning how to appreciate the little things in life that I used to take for granted.  I am rediscovering how to look into the sky and see a planet or the Big Dipper.  I am learning the smell of an Easter Lily.  I rejoice when I am able to hug one of my little one's neck without cringing in pain.  Perhaps that is the greatest blessing of all.

I am learning how to appreciate the moments without the pain because of the moments with the pain.  It is in realizing when I am given a precious gift because I have felt life without it that I am ever the more grateful for it.  I am exceedingly thankful for second chances, for I have been given a second, and a third, and more; only this time it is different.  This time I have truly seen the desolation without and the beauty within...and I will never forget.  This is the blessing I have received from the pain.