Oops!

Sometimes I just feel like bucking the system.  I want to play by my rules and my rules alone, and woe to those that would stand in my way!  I don't want to play nice.  I have had enough and God help whoever crosses me because I'm not going to take it anymore.  Consequences?  Who wants to worry about the consequences?  I don't want to think about those right now.  I'm too busy getting even!

Nathaniel has had a rough time at school lately.  Though his receptive language is improving, his ability to handle stress and to communicate his frustration in a calm manner is not. He says he doesn't like school anymore, his friends are not being nice, and he doesn't want to cooperate with his teachers.  When he gets frustrated, he just explodes like a cannon.  And, recently, he's been getting frustrated quite a bit in class.

He's been coming home with these "oops!" slips at least twice a week since the Christmas break.  Now, what does that mean?  It's a nice way for his teacher to let me know that Nathaniel isn't following the rules and is becoming more disruptive in class.  He has been letting his temper get the best of him and he's been reacting instead of responding to tough situations.  He's been hitting, spitting, tearing up art projects, writing on other boys' work, and just plain getting even.  The pinnacle of his actions came on Friday.

I was at home, straightening things up after the younger two had lunch.  I had laid Gabriela down for her nap around 11:30 and was very pleased with the headway I was making in the rooms downstairs.  I was in a rhythm, moving quickly, decisively, when the phone rang.  I thought about ignoring it since I was being quite industrious for a change and was taking advantage of that nap when I saw the caller ID.  FULTON COUNTY EDUCA...was written boldy on the phone face and I thought, "Oh no, someone's sick again."

Much to my relief, Nathaniel was quite healthy.  That, however, quickly changed to chagrin.  He had also been in the assistant principal's office three times that day.  Now mind you, this is a little 5 year old boy in kindergarten.  It's not even 12:15.  Who at that age, or any age, has the talent to manage to get himself into that much trouble that many times in one single day?  Not that I ever really wanted to know the answer to that question, but it was my son.

During gym, someone accidentally hit him with the ball.  His reaction?  He yelled, had a temper tantrum, hit the wall and the floor, and then attempted to run away from school.  Refusing any consolation, he was taken to the office to help him calm down, which he did after a little while.  He was sent on to class.  Again, something happened and he threw a chair and completely lost his temper and kicked another child.  Take two to the office.  Finally, during recess, some as-of-that-time unknown incident occurred and he hauled off and hit a classmate in the face.  It was the last straw.  It was the third strike, and he was ejected from the ballgame.

I had to wake up the baby from her nap, gather the two young ones, and drive to the school to pick up Nathaniel.  By time I got there, he was happy as a lark, with no evidence that anything was wrong.  I had a quick chat with the assistant principal since we had already discussed the day on the phone, then headed for home.  On the way, Nathaniel informed me that he had had an "awful day," and declared that he no longer wanted to go to school.

It turns out that his classmate had kicked him a couple times and nobody had seen his actions.  Nathaniel had already had a tough day and he had had enough.  No more; he wasn't going to take it.  He was done and was going to settle the situation his own way.

Though I can't fault him for being frustrated and for wanting to put an end to his suffering, the way he went about it was all wrong.  It's my job to teach him how to handle his actions in the middle of oppression.  Yes, I have a meeting scheduled with his teacher, but as has already been proven, she is not always going to be there to see the hurt he is caused and be able to stop it.  In like manner, I am not always going to be able to help him calm down.  It is a self control he has to learn.

We all have to stop and take stock when we are faced with injustices, hurts, and oppression.  We have to be able to control our emotions and not let them control us.  We have to learn the best way to face a situation and how to cope with it.  If we just react, we can end up harming ourselves as well as others, and we can end up facing the consequences of our actions.

When I find myself getting frustrated with the kids or with the house, I have to stop and look at all the facets in play.  I can't just look at it from my selfish point of view, but from all the other angles as well.  Then I can realize that perhaps my children are making messes faster than I can clean up after them because they simply want me to sit down with them for 5 minutes and read a book to them.  Then I can remember that Nyssa isn't intentionally disobeying me, she really can't remember that I told her to put her shoes away because she was distracted by Gabriela's new word "gok," and gave her bottle to her.

I have children with special needs and so it is even more important that I learn how to be a good role model, that I learn how to listen to their heart because they may not know how to communicate it with words.  I can't afford to get so frustrated by life that I am blind or deaf to my little ones' needs.  But even if my children were normal, everyday children, I still would have to know that I can't just stomp and rant and rave when life doesn't treat me fair.  Yes, I still have trouble with the last two at times, but when I do, I have to be careful.  Little ones are paying close attention.  Others are paying attention.  And when I find myself reacting to life instead of responding in an appropriate manner, that's when I suffer the consequences, every time.  And let's face it:  life is too short to spend it sitting in the principal's office.  There are much better things I can be doing with my time.  

Ooh!  I could write a blog.  I could turn the frustration and the challenges of daily life into something full of hope and gentle reminders that I need to see life as the glass that is half full.  I could see what life lessons can be learned from this little palace in which I live.