It is What it Is

I'm having one of those days.  It's Saturday and I want to sleep it away.  I don't feel depressed and I don't think I want to hide; I'm just tired and I want to sleep.

I look at the mountain of laundry that needs to be washed, dried, and put away, and I wish I were Mary Poppins, who could snap her fingers and let the nursery clean itself with a song.  I see the dishes and the toys everywhere and wish I could open the window and call out in a beautiful song to all the animals like Giselle in Enchanted.  But, alas, that is not to be my fate.  Neither is going back to bed, for I woke up this morning to the children who were already downstairs.

Nathaniel was at the computer, playing a game with the help of Nyssa.  She was, incidentally, sitting on the desk naked as a jaybird.  Benjamin was playing quietly near them on the floor.  He had a green marker, and he was writing...on his hand.  He had already written on his arms, his shoulder, and around his eyes.  I think he's getting ready to audition for the Incredible Hulk in DC Comic's new movie, Superhero Origins: When They Were Young.  He had papers strewn across the floor, along with crayons, markers, scissors, and stencils.

Fortunately, with the system I've been incorporating lately, we were able to get things back in order very quickly compared to times past.  We had all the art supplies picked up in a few minutes, Nyssa took a bath, and the girls and boys were changed and dressed in less than an hour.  This is saying a lot, since before I uncluttered the family room, it would have taken about 3 hours to clean up if my precious tornadoes had awakened even 5 minutes earlier than I.

All that being said, I am tired, but not as weary as I have been in times past.  The older ones went outside to play, and I got about 4 loads of laundry folded, and I will hopefully put it away in a few minutes.  Gabriela got some one on one time with Mommy while I gave her a bath.  Oh! I forget to mention that she has finally decided to say, "Mama!"  That in itself at her age is like new energy poured into my bones.

There is still much to be done, but it won't all be done today, or tomorrow, or the next.  What will be done is what I can accomplish in one day while still giving my children love and attention.  What will be done is the mini goals I set for myself each day.  And if I don't meet every one of them, I will not beat myself with some emotional whip in some twisted punishment as I used to do.

I'm still learning that it all boils down to a choice.  Do I get upset at the children for being children or do I just help them clean up the mess and direct them on appropriate attire?  Do I chide myself over having 13 loads of dirty laundry or do I pat myself on the back for washing 3 and putting away 5?  Do I complain about the endless cycle of dishes or just do them without a negative word? 

I don't always win the battle, but I do want to win the war.  And part of that is forgiving myself for the decisions I've made that were wrong, and starting over every day.  It means that when I have a week of 2 steps forward and 3 steps back that I accept what has happened and strive to take 2 steps forward again next week.  It means pushing forward, in spite of what I see, towards what I hope and trust will be.  And eventually, it will be.

Two months ago, there wasn't a clean room in the house, seriously.  Now, I have two of my bathrooms under control, the hallways, the boys' room, and the family room.  I'm half way there!  Right now, the house is still half cluttered; in six months, I hope to have every room presentable. It is what it is, but I can picture what it will be!